Voids
Deserted. Not occupied. Not inhabited. Space. The black hole that contains nothing. The vacuum. Realizing that the void is not a new phenomenon for me. The void appears in many roles and forms. Personal relationships, family, significant others, the various roles I play as a life partner, mother, employee, scholar, teacher, promoter, coach, artist, and the list goes on. The black hole is there, and not just with personal relationships. It is there in all the roles I play in this beautiful life. The void remains as I attempt to fill it with projects, drive, the wrong people, because the emotional needs I had in my youth were not met. Rejection is a feeling I am all to familiar with. Why? I prove myself, strive to reach beyond expectations. Still... the void remains. I set myself up for failure, with the unconscious set up of being let down. I allow judgement, abandonment, manipulations, lies, cheating, bullying, emotional abandonment, detachment, and feel devalued. A negative cycle