Thursday, July 27, 2017

Learning To Let Go

Over the course of a year, I have had to come to terms with a few hard truths. I looked up, and myself and my phenomenal kids began entering a new stage.  Both sons,  now teenagers, have expressed missing their father to many, and we both so miss our family and friends in Erath County. I completed a PhD. and I now know that I have some very big research initiatives to pursue. The hard truth was evident; this isn't working. But then again, the last four years has been nothing but a series of events in which I have had to learn to let go.

Leaving a small town was extremely hard on us, and the pain of letting go was and is still very raw and real.  A hole in our heart is still a very BIG issue. My kids have only known life on a very large historical nursery located in the center of  Texas. We have had a few obstacles in our path and we were fortunate to have some new experiences. I am grateful to the people I met along the way. They helped us through a very hard time, and we are so much stronger due to their love, example, and guidance.

We are grateful to all of our new friends and experiences, which continue to shape us to become an improved global citizen.  We have had to develop social skills, skills that we didn't really have to acquire until these experiences. Growing up around Early, Texas and Stephenville, Texas in the 1980's offered a community in which had connections to my grandparents, family, and friends from birth. My sons have never had a next door neighbor within reach, a babysitter, outside of immediate family, until we had to leave the Stephenville area. They are fortunate to have a very special place, their dad's farm, a Stephenville and Texas historical landmark. Letting go was hard, but I gained a strong faith and trust in our Creator. I now know that I have great work to do that requires the ability to serve the less fortunate.

So, I knew in my heart this day would come. The day I let my sons' happiness overrule my need to be the "perfect" mom. They need their dad, and their ancestors worked hard to provide our boys the opportunity to live on the land they worked hard to secure. I love them so much and know our peace is more important the the need to win. I know someday they will look back and know why things happened as they did and that I was and continue to be their number one cheerleader.

I am letting go of the need to be perfect, of what other people think, and of taking things personally.